Divorce spares no one. If you are in the process of getting divorced, it’s normal to worry about your kids. How will it affect them? Is this going to be a traumatic experience for them? Are you forcing them to choose between you and the other parent? In general, kids can cope with divorce. They are stronger than we give them credit for. But there are also times when they don’t come out okay after the trauma and the drama. This is when we should step in as parents.
Before you start the process, commit with your partner to shield the kids from the nastiness of the divorce. Or, better yet, don’t be hateful during the procedure. Work with your partner. Compromise on things if it will be better for the kids. Even when you are trying to nullify your marriage, your priority is the well-being of your children.
Hire the Right Lawyers
Look for a divorce attorney who can take into consideration the well-being of your children. Make sure both your lawyers know that whatever happens during the proceedings, you will work together in harmony. Let them know that your kids are untouchable. They cannot drag them to court and put them on the stand.
Lawyers play a big role in the harmony of a divorce proceeding. Consider the reputation of your lawyer before hiring him. If the divorce is a mutual decision, you should not need to hire someone who will grind your ex’s lawyer into a pulp.
Bring in the Family
It may feel awkward but work with the whole family in protecting your children. And yes, that includes the family of your ex-partner. Bring in even the extended family such as your children’s aunts, uncles, godmothers, grandparents, and everyone in your circle. They will play an important role in your kids’ lives. Any sense of normalcy they will feel after the divorce will come from the family from both sides.
Resolve Issues Immediately
Don’t dwell on issues because it will prolong the divorce process. Instead, focus on resolving the issues as quickly as possible. Yes, even the contentious ones. The financial issues are tricky, but both parties should aim to not let these affect the children. No matter how hard you try to cover it up, if you are resentful of the other parent, that will come out in the manner you speak about them.
Don’t let other people know about the status of your divorce. They will talk behind your back and sometimes, in front of your children. But if they don’t know anything about your divorce, you can explain things to your children better. There is no need for them to suffer through the heavy burden of divorced parents. Your goal as parents is to protect them at all costs. To do that, you need to make the details of the divorce and your relationship private.
Although it is tempting to talk about your relationships with your close friends, loved ones, and acquaintances, try not to do it for your children. The more people know about your divorce, the more likely they will talk about you. Keep things private and watch how rumors die down fast.
Unless your ex-partner is a bad parent, don’t seek sole custody. Instead, offer to share your children with your former spouse. You are both responsible for their well-being. If you fight about custody, your children will feel they are being forced to choose between you. Make it a point to involve your ex-spouse in your children’s lives.
Your children will have apprehensions about what happens next after the divorce. You can put their worries to rest by listening to their concerns. If it’s something that you can immediately address, do it with your ex-partner. It is never good to try to address a problem that involves your ex-spouse alone. Make sure your kids see that you will work together for their benefit. Once they understand that they can talk to you about anything, they’ll never fear telling you their problems.
It is easy to involve children in a divorce, especially if it is a hateful one. But remember that your children did not get divorced. Your ex-spouse may not be a good wife or husband to you. But if they are great with the kids, you should not take that away from them. Involve them in your kids’ lives and watch how they grow happy and fulfilled despite seeing their parents’ divorce.